Memories of Illium
by deionscribe
Summary: Fresh from their victory over the Collectors, the crew of the Normandy find themselves on Illium again for shore leave. But as they rest up and prepare for what is to come, several of Commander Shepard's squad deal with smaller personal matters of their own.


**Crescent Nebula / Tasale System / Illium / Nos Astra / Trading Floor**

"What about a fish? She loves the garden. We could add a pond".

"She doesn't need a fish, Dad".

"Right, right…. Okay, maybe a shirt? Or a card? "Illium: Hey, You're Blue Shifting Already". That's funny, right? Asari skin color and the Doppler Effect?"

"Dad, just get her anything. Or don't".

"But I need to get her _something_. A memento…"

The conversation between a salarian father and his asari daughter carried on as the former browsed the souvenirs on sale at a kiosk. Neither of them, however, noticed the quarian watching from the shop next door.

She knew it was only coincidence. Yet for Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, it seemed oddly apt, given her current thoughts. Glancing again briefly at the inside of the shop, she turned to where father and daughter were still talking.

"Her first mate… your father", the salarian hesitantly began, "He got her things when he travelled".

"It's not a competition, dad…" came the exasperate reply, but there was a hint of concern creeping into the asari's voice even as her stepfather continued airing his thoughts.

"You don't even really remember him. And she found me after he died. And… and I'm almost 35…"

Turning now to face him, the young maiden looked anxious as she placed an assuring hand on her stepfather's shoulder. "Hey. I remember him, and I want to remember you. That's why I came on this trip".

As the salarian glanced at his daughter with a grateful smile, Tali frowned sadly behind her faceplate as she looked on. The care and affection between the two… as touching as it was, it also painfully reminded her of how her relationship with her father had been.

How she still wished it would have been like if….

"Not a fish. Something that'll last…" she heard the salarian say, "You'll make sure she keeps it?"

"Yeah… I'll make sure".

"Tali?"

Jumping a bit in surprise, Tali spun around to face the source of the voice, a quarian who was two years her junior and one of the co-owners of the stand she was in. "What? Huh? I'm sorry. Did you say something, Kenn?"

Kenn'Vael nar Selani stared blankly at her for a few seconds before awkwardly clearing his throat. "No… I didn't", he replied. "… Are you alright? You looked like you were having a lot to think about".

"It was that obvious?" Tali asked rhetorically.

She got a nod in response, and Tali sighed where she was leaning against the kiosk, and shifted her gaze at where the father –daughter pair was still browsing for souvenirs. Kenn followed her example.

"How about this one? 'When Anything Goes: It Goes to Illium'. That's funny, right?"

A chuckle came from the asari as she shook her head, "Mom will love it…."

Watching the two proceed to make their purchase, it didn't take long for Kenn to figure out what was troubling his friend. He shuffled a bit, concern and understanding showing through his body language. "You want to talk about it?"

Tali sighed again, her shoulders slumped as she replied, "No- I mean, yes but…" a pause as she looked down again to the floor, "I don't really know where to start. Even after all this time…"

That much was true. But Kenn and the rest of the quarian people had no knowledge of what really went down on the Alarei. All they knew was that Rael'Zorah – Tali's father and a member of the Admiralty Board – had been killed together with all of the lab ship's crew when geth had appeared aboard and seized control. The common assumption behind the geth presence was that one of the experiments had gone out of control.

But what Tali knew….what only she and Shepard had discovered when they boarded the Alarei alongside three of the Migrant Fleet Marines… was that her father had led the scientists to deliberately build and activate the geth using the parts she had helped him to gather in order to accelerate their progress. It had all been done without the rest of the Fleet being aware, yet by the time the geth they brought online had become numerous…

_I promised my daughter a house on the homeworld. I'm not going to sit back while the politicians argue._

_Everything here is his fault! When this comes up in the trial, they'll…._

Even now, it still hurt her to know the truth behind that incident. What her father did, he had ultimately done for her. To see them and the rest of their race back on Rannoch. Yet the nature of his experiments, and the deaths he had brought about in pursuing them would have not only damned him in the eyes of his fellow Admirals, especially Aunt Shala and Admiral Han'Gerrel.

_He'd be worse than an exile! He'd be a true traitor to our people, held up for children as a monster in a cautionary tale!_

"Well, you're going to have to talk about it to someone sooner or later" Kenn pressed, staring straight at her as he did so. "I know the Fleet's still making arrangements, but…"

"I know. And thanks for worrying about me, Kenn", Tali replied with a weak smile. She was glad the younger quarian was doing well so far on his Pilgrimage. The shop he had opened up with a friend had gotten off to a good start. Hopefully, the two would earn enough credits to buy what they would take back to the Fleet.

"Anytime, Tali", Kenn replied lightheartedly as he caught site of the asari and salarian walking away. "So… You see anything you like for sale?"

As she indicated to Kenn what she wanted to buy, Tali snuck one last glance at the departing father and daughter just as her thoughts turned inward, and old memories came rising up to the fore.

* * *

**Quarian Migrant Fleet / Rayya - 20 Years Ago**

A smile tugged at Tali'Zorah nar Rayya's lips as the last lines of the story were spoken, bringing it to its end. "Could you say another one, Father? Please?"

Admiral Rael'Zorah managed a soft laugh as he rested a hand on his daughter's bubble. "Maybe next time, little one", he assured in a gentle tone, "You've probably had more than enough stories from me".

That drew a pout from the quarian child as she raised herself to a seated position while leveling a pointed look. "But I don't want you to go, yet. You're always away…"

"I have to, Tali", this time her father as he looked down at her, eyes faintly visible behind his faceplate. "I know you don't like it this way, but there's not much we can do about it…"

Tali glanced to the side at that, fiddling with her fingers while trying not to cry. She knew her father was right, but she still thought it was unfair. Everyone else on the Fleet was asking so much of him.

She heard her father shift slightly in his seat as he reached out to rest a hand on her bubble. "Come, now. Please don't be like that…" he said anxiouly . "I will try to make as much time as I can… for you and your mother".

"You will?" the young quarian asked hopefully.

Through the transparent walls of her bubble, Tali could faintly make out the smile on her father's face. "I will. I promise…."

* * *

**Crescent Nebula / Tasale System / Illium / Nos Astra / Star Sapphire Hotel**

_"Biomedical firm Sirta Foundation is reporting a medical breakthrough against a new strain of inter-species influenza. The development comes as a result of samples contaminated during a biotic attack against their research center two years ago. Fortunately, there were few casualties."_

It was a little while later when Tali found herself back in her room, but the same thoughts from before continued to trouble her to no end.

Kenn had given her good advice. But as much as she wanted to talk about it with someone, she was only just starting to come to terms with what had happened. The mission against the Collectors, followed by how hectic the first few days of their shore leave had been, hadn't given her much time to properly mourn.

_"In other news. Now that the celebrations on the planet Turvess have ended, a raloi delegation has been sent to the Citadel for a three-month stay. The delegation will be educated in intergalactic law, history, alien biology and culture, and the rudiments of mass effect physics. Due to an outbreak of the H7N7 flu virus that infected the avian raloi during the opening ceremonies on their planet, the raloi on the Citadel will wear environmental suits whenever they are in contact with an alien species."_

With a sigh, Tali headed over to turn off the news feed. The last thing she wanted to hear, right now, was stories on viruses. It brought up too many bad memories of her mother's death funeral.

Activating her omni-tool next, she loaded up the message she had received from the Flotilla.

_- Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya,_

_Per your request, a ship is en route to Illium with replacement emitters for the Normandy's Cyclonic Barrier. However, there is one more announcement I wish to extend to you on behalf of the Admiralty Board._

_Preparations are underway for the funeral of your father, Admiral Rael'Zorah vas Rayya, and the other victims of the massacre that took place aboard the Alarei. The service shall be held one standard month, from now._

_Coordinates of the Fleet's current location has been attached in this message for your reference. We hope you have safe travels on your return to the Fleet. Keelah se'lai._

_Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay_

_Migrant Fleet Admiralty Board_

Going through the message again for the fifth time since she received it, the young woman loaded up another, also from her Aunt Shala. This one, though, was short and on a more personal note.

_Tali,_

_It's not much, but I hope that this helps you to find closure._

_Shala_

A moment later, a collection of files – Admiral Rael'Zorah's personal logs – was loaded up. It had been encrypted when she first received it, but the decryption key that Shala sent with it meant that she now had access.

But she still hadn't looked through them even after all this time.

Deactivating her omni-tool, Tali walked towards the window next, taking in the site of Nos Astra skyline spread out before her. She could see the sun slowly setting, bathing the buildings in a reddish light as the night life in Nos Astra started up again.

Unbidden, she thought back to a conversation she had with Garrus the last time they were, when they had just docked.

"_I never imagined I'd be back here, again"._

"_Again?" the turian repeated in curiosity, "You visited Illium before?"_

_Tali shook her head lightly. "Just once, two years ago. I thought it being the first stop on my Pilgrimage would have been exciting for me. Now, I know why so many of my teachers warned me about going there before I left"._

"_What do you mean?" _

"_Very few quarians ever set foot here, Garrus", she went on to explain. "Illium doesn't allow the Flotilla to approach beyond a certain distance. It's the greatest planet in the galaxy for those who can afford it, and they work hard to keep the quarian Fleet away"._

_Garrus frowned in thought at that. "And I'm guessing they're just as hard on quarians who visit it for their Pilgrimage"._

"_Probably; I didn't have much time to find out. Saren's men were still chasing me back then and it didn't help that city control kept trying to wave us away. That gave them plenty of time to track us down and try to kill me"._

Tali could still remember it clearly - The Honorata circling for the better part of a day before landing, Saren's mercenaries hounding them relentlessly, and one of the ship's pilots being gunned down. She remembered stowing aboard that turian freighter alongside Keenah'Breiz – the Honorata's other pilot, hiding there as it flew to the Citadel.

And as she recalled what happened after, the young woman quietly placed a hand on her side, where a turian sniper had shot her right after he put a bullet through Keenah's chest. The ensuing chase ended at one of the Citadel's incinerators. Keenah had bled out to death, by then, and Tali barely managed to trap her pursuer in the incinerator not long after.

_Tali'Zorah nar Rayya…My daughter…_

Tali tensed up as her father's voice rang in her thoughts, turning them toward the message he had sent her.

_By the time this reaches you, your Pilgrimage will be underway, and you will be far from the Quarian Flotilla…._

_I never got to hear the rest of it_, she sadly mused, recalling how she had left the computer bearing the message after it was used to draw the mercenary in. _He sent it to me to make up for not being there to see me off… and I just let it burn with that murdering bosh'tet_.

She wished she had made a copy back then, that she had listened to the whole message and committed every word to memory. Looking back, she was so sure of what her father was going to tell her, then. Now, though…

_I don't know what's worse: thinking he never really cared, or thinking that he did. And that this was the only way he could show it._

Tali always had mixed feelings about her father. As much as she loved him and looked up to him, there was always a part of her that resented him for his distance. It had only grown as she got older, and even more after her mother died and her father retreated further into his work.

Their relationship had mended somewhat when she finished her Pilgrimage, but there always seemed to be a wall between them that they could never bring down. They worked closely together, yes, but it lacked the closeness they had when she was little, when Rael'Zorah made time to tell his little girl stories almost as old as the homeworld itself.

Now, her father was gone, and she was left to come to terms with his passing. She was managing well enough. Kelly had suggested an educational vid about how to deal with loss, and Shepard, Garrus, Joker, and Dr. Chakwas were always there to offer an ear. But getting Shala's messages days ago had left her feeling lost again.

But she needed to get around to telling the others. The funeral was less than a month away, and she needed to be there. She needed to pay her last respects to her father, to give a eulogy for him before he would be cremated so that his ashes could be scattered to the stars.

Yet, what could Tali say about her father with what little she knew?

Whatever thoughts that would plague her there and then were set aside when the quarian looked up at the sound of someone knocking on the door.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

- This is a plug-in story for LuxDragon's novelization of Mass Effect, and my way of showing how much I enjoy his rendition of the games. On that note, I would like to again wish you the best in adapting and improving Mass Effect 3 in your chapters for End of an Era. Your writing of Fight for the Lost, Legacy of the Shadow Broker, and Zero Hour speaks clearly of your talent.

The chapters for this story will be written through the POVs of the squad members, and focus on a number of interactions and subplots that take place during their shore leave on Illium post-Suicide Mission. On a related note, Thane, Samara, Grunt, and Mordin might appear, as I imagine this story starting before they leave the crew.

Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated. It's been a while since I posted fics online, so it'd be nice to know what needs improving or correcting. On a related note, I'm interested in getting a beta for his/her second opinion as well as having someone to help spruce up my work.

For the opening chapter, Tali was my first pick because she's one of my favorite characters, and Lux really made her shine in her personal plot. Over the course of Fight for the Lost, she's had to re-evaluate her opinions on AIs and the Geth, as well as deal with not only the death of her father, but the damning revelation of how his experiment got out of control.

That said, now that the mission is done and they're focusing on repairing the ship, Tali has more time to process her loss, especially with a funeral being arranged for everyone who died on the Alarei. Still, I had to wonder what would be going through her mind before she finally takes leave from the crew to go attend. Hopefully, I got it right.

Some references are made in this chapter to Issue 2 of the Mass Effect: Homeworlds series of comics.


End file.
